The Cost of Divorce? What to Consider.

cost-1174922_640The Cost of Divorce – The Money Cost

When divorcees think about the cost of divorce they often think about the money cost.  Typically, the first thing that comes to mind is how much their lawyer is going to bill them.  Fear of the unknown legal sum will often lead couples to try to hash out an agreement together.  Often, however, communication has not been good for some time and they have the same argument that they have had several times before.  Left with a feeling of frustration, for both parties, alternative solutions are sought.

Perhaps a better solution to determining how to resolve the terms of your separation is to discuss the process that best suits your family’s needs.  The outcome may far out-weigh the money cost consideration. (For options on how to process your divorce click here ) Often choosing the wrong process can lead to costing you more in terms of money.  A divorcing client who goes to see a litigation lawyer who could have had a similar outcome by choosing mediation or a collaborative divorce is a great example.

The Cost of Divorce – The Family Cost

But it’s not just about the money, especially if you have children.  Choosing an adversarial divorce process and creating additional tension in the home can have long-term effects on children.  Children do not process conflict in the same way an adult does.  Their brains are not fully developed yet. Conceptually, they can’t fully grasp their parents argument and they often feel they have to choose one parent over the other to keep one parent happy.  As adults they function with this lesson having been learnt at an earlier age and it can often hamper their ability to function with co-workers, spouses and their friends.  Employing a process that focus’ on decreasing conflict through resolution can lead to decreasing tension in the family home having less of an adverse affect on young, influenced minds.

Parents and siblings may not always agree with your choice to separate for reasons of their own.  Parents my hold traditional values and feel that divorce isn’t an option.  Siblings may support your spouse’s view-point because they haven’t had the same sibling rivalry experience as they have had with you.  Creating more tension with your spouse, than need-be, can create irrefutable harm to these relationships that should be offering the stability you need during this time of family transition.   A less adversarial approach can defuse the potential for family members to ‘pick sides’.    Family harmony can exist despite the difference of opinions but when tensions are high it becomes more difficult to agree to disagree.

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