It’s evident that how you decide to divorce is just as important as why you are divorcing. Sometimes, actually, how you decide to divorce is more important to the outcome than you could ever imagine. People tend to position themselves in substantive issues. “He did this”, “she did that” tends to trigger years of bitterness and resentment. Alienating children from their ‘other’ parent causes years of repair and therapy often never to be remedied and to the demise of the the child who had a parent that deeply loved them. All of this is often fueled by fear and anger. So, the question needs to be asked, “Is there a better way?”
Divorces can be tied up in litigation for years. No wonder the anger and resentment is so deeply ingrained. Having seen people work through this process I often wonder if they had chosen another process how it might have changed the outcome. I don’t mean that the property settlement or the parenting plan might have been affected differently. Those decisions might have come out the same. What might be affected are the following:
- the personal healing would happen sooner and the feelings that accompany the reasons for the divorce would not be so ingrained that recovery would be possible.
- financial recovery would start earlier, sometimes years earlier, not only by negating some of the costs of the process but also by planning to achieve goals much earlier.
- children, who are deeply affected by their parents divorce, can move into a life that isn’t dictated by process and the outcome of saddened and stressed parents.
I’ve experienced many divorces (thankfully only one being my own) and I’ve come to the conclusion that the process affects the outcome just as much or sometimes more so than the substantive issues. For more on process choices read here http://wp.me/p1Nbli-n Be sure to chose the right divorce style for you and your family before anger and fear trigger years of resentment and unrepairable family relationships.